LADY GRINNING SOUL

A short play of mine performed by Short Attention Span Theatre Company: 24th January 2019, Old Hairdressers Glasgow, and 10th April 2019 Gilded Balloon, Edinburgh.

In both performances I was very lucky to have two excellent top notch actors playing the roles. Mira Vasiliu as Lady Grinning Soul (LGS)  and Grant McDonald  as Male Fan (Fan). See photo.


Both performances directed by Karen Barclay.

Thanks to them and Short Attention Span Theatre.  To David Bowie for the inspiration.  The premise being to take a title of a David Bowie song as starting point for a drama. 

Lady Grinning Soul is on the Aladdin Sane album.

From that I wondered what would happen if the subject of the song didn’t want to be a song anymore.

A few small changes from the performance but more or less the same.

CHARACTERS

Male fan.

Lady Grinning Soul.  (LGS)

The rhyme is spoken, indicated song lyric sung.

ONE

FAN looking at Aladdin Sane LP in awe.

FAN-- (Puts on record.) And needle down and play.

LGS— (Lady Grinning Soul sings as if at the wrong speed then as if needle sticks at ‘on you.’)

She'll come, she'll go

She'll lay belief on you.

FAN— (Takes off needle and singing stops. Needle on again but no singing.)  Play will you. And no more of this nonsense. Please. I need you as a song. I need you to lay belief on me. Be my exotic and erotic babe. If you’d had the day I’ve had.  To hell with the office.  Life. Lady Grinning Soul, your one job is to get me through the night. Come on.

LGS—

Tired of being a song.
Three minutes, forty six seconds long.                                        

FAN—I can’t be doing with this.  Your words have been given to you.  We’re all tired of whatever!  We all have our role in life. And being Lady Grinning Soul is yours. I have a script for answering the phone at work.  I’m a grown up. I can make words up myself.  But it’s been decreed that I need somebody else’s words. You are a song and that’s that. How lucky are you?   I would give anything to be…Anything but...me. You are immortal.

LGS—

I’m not she!
But I, this is not who I wish to be.
Four beats to the bar
Your time signature
Repeat chorus until fade.
Life a turntable
Lonely bedroom serenade.

FAN— Stop it. What’s got into you?  And you could at least sing the words.  Then I could just ignore them and go with the music. I’ll switch my allegiance to The Jean Genie. Sing. Please.  Be my Lady Grinning Soul.

LGS—
You never feed
My need.

FAN—You’re a song.  That’s not how it works.  It’s not two way. Be mysterious.  Be the you inside my head.

LGS—

I want to be more
Become a bore.

FAN—Look you’re on one of the best albums ever.  Aladdin Sane! Okay maybe not one of the tracks folk think of but…You’re an undiscovered classic. I would love to be an undiscovered classic.  You try selling insulation over the phone to folk. ‘How can the heat be going out my roof? It’ll just bounce back will it not?’

LGS—

I’m the last track
Right at the back.

FAN—No.  That’s the best position of all.  You take the album out on a high.  All the other songs only an introduction to the star amongst songs. You. (Sings.) ‘She'll come, she'll go. She'll lay belief on you.’ You laid belief on me. That someday something might be different. That folk might remember my bloody name. What’s wrong with that?

LGS—

I’m only words
A feeling tune
Nothing more
Gone too soon.

FAN— You’re never gone. That’s the point.  It’s me that’ll be gone too soon.  And never thought of again. You walk the immortal highway.

LGS—

You want to be immortal?
It’s not all it’s cracked up to me.
Try it and see.

FAN— Listening to you is the closest I’ll ever get.  I know that. I’m not daft. I dream but… Okay maybe I’ve worn you out by playing you too much.  I apologise. I can get a new needle. Not so scratchy.  Probably hurts eh?  I should have thought of that.  Sorry. Is that what this is all about?  I can fix that.  No problem. And we can get back to being ‘us’ again.

LGS—

Or maybe a new life
Get yourself a wife.

FAN— She’d throw you out. I prefer the imagined life.

LGS—

I haven’t even got a name
Lady Grinning Soul not the same.
What about Jenny?
I like Penny

FAN—You’re not a Jenny. Or a Penny. You’re not ordinary. You’re extraordinary.

LGS—

What about plain old Jane.
I’ve got it. Elaine.

FAN— You could talk to the other songs on the album about the way you feel?  It might help.  It’s just…You should be all bouncing with life and rhythm. Talk to the other songs. And get back on track sort to speak.  That was a joke! Sort of.  Maybe not.

LGS—

We do not speak.
They think I’m way too chic.
A clique of one.

FAN—Do it for me.  Please.  I’ve defended you when it comes to Bowie’s greatest songs. ‘Space Oddity.’  If I hear ‘Major Tom to ground control’ one more...I’ll…You’re a part of me now.

LGS--

I don’t want to be
A string of words and sound
Three minute forty six seconds bound.
I want to move beyond

FAN— Talk to them.

LGS--

Abscond, change my hair, blond
Brunette, bald.
The fan base appalled.

FAN—No, long dark that blows in the wind as you walk your sultry walk.

LGS—

Not exotic, erotic, rhythmic.
I want to be gloriously out of tune

FAN—Long legs, the come hither look over your shoulder.

LGS—

Rhyme that with June
Maybe macaroon.
I want to offend the ears.
Of all your peers.

FAN—It’ll work.   

LGS—

Bring tears to the critic’s eye.
As I wave goodbye.

FAN— Stop it.  This is just selfish. Most people are dust and scattered forgotten when they die. Invisible when they live. You rise again every time someone plays the song. I give you life.

LGS—

No undiscovered classic me.
I wish to be, other.

FAN— Are you listening to me?

LGS-- A wedding first dance favourite.

A Christmas number one.
I’m done with this.

FAN—You are Lady Grinning soul. And that’s that.   Sing.

LGS—

Set me free.
Be who you must be.

TWO

Short time later.

FAN—Well?  Did you speak to the other songs?  If you don’t Aladdin Sane is going straight to the charity shop.  Get real how can I set you free?  You’re on the album and that’s that.  Look there you are. I would like to help you but…You didn’t even try to talk to them did you? 

LGS—

Drive-In Saturday
Too much party party.
Aladdin Sane, not.
He thought I was The Jean Genie.
Who by the way was like
A guitar driven banshee.
And don’t ask me about
Let’s Spend the Night Together
I’m not devout, but!

FAN—

That’s just them. 
Who they are. 
Don’t condemn. No, I’m speaking rhyme. 
As long as it’s not full time.

LGS—

I thought Panic In Detroit.
Would be more adroit at understanding
What’s it’s like to be trapped in a song.
He couldn’t see what was wrong.
And Prettiest Star too vain.
Cracked Actor, I didn’t even bother to explain.

FAN— I’m sorry.  I really am.  I thought it would help.  Thank God no rhyme this time.  Ahhh. No.

LGS—

You are my greatest fan you say.
I do not want to stay.

FAN—

I thought you were just a song.
Like Panic, nothing wrong. 
You give me feelings.  
Is that really so bad?
I hate to see you sad. 
But it could be worse. 
Try being The Laughing Gnome! 
The curse of my childhood home. My party piece.
My mum bought me a Gnome costume and I had to sing. 
It was a terrible thing.
I was dying inside every time…
And I’m speaking in rhyme. 
Actually I sound quite sublime. 
No I don’t, and I won’t.

LGW-- 

You can walk away
Live a different sort of day.

FAN—

I don’t want to walk away.
And you must stay.
You can’t become a brand new you. 
It’s impossible to do.

LGW—

Let me go
If you truly love me so.

FAN—

You’re the tenth track.  
You can’t turn your back and walk away.
The album will not be Aladdin Sane.
Not going to say it again.  

LGW—

Let me go.
If you truly love me so.

FAN—

No song quits a classic album. 
What will I do without you? 
What will I become?

LGW—

Be your own song
Like you wished all along.
Don’t live your life through me.
Set me free.
Let me go
If you truly love me so.
If you truly love me so.
If you truly love me so.

FAN—

I truly love you so
Lady Grinning Soul
So you must go and be who you must be.
I lift the needle.
And set you free.
And I become all alone
Only a script on a telephone.

LGS—

Don’t fret.
Big smile get set for a brand new life.
Lady Grinning Soul is free
But ten tracks there must be.
Sing.

FAN— (Sings The Laughing Gnome.)

Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee

I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me

LGS—

See your mother knew
A party piece are you.

(Fan looks at record, sees The Laughing Gnome has replaced LGS on album.)

FAN-- (Talks.)

Lady Grinning Soul, come back.
I don’t want to be, the last track.

LGS—

Sorry but I have to go.
Live my life denied.
You had your chance
See no rhyme.
I speak in free verse.
But you?
(LGS exits.)

FAN-- (Sings. The Laughing Gnome)

Ha ha ha, hee, hee, hee

I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me

(As if the needle sticks on ‘me.)